Discernment counseling

A top-down view of two people standing on a rocky beach, showing their feet and legs. One person is wearing gray athletic shoes and black leggings, and the other is wearing gray athletic shoes and khaki shorts.

Clarity. Confidence. Compassion.

When a couple is on the brink of divorce—or uncertain about whether to stay together—traditional couples therapy may not be the right first step. That’s where Discernment Counseling comes in.

Discernment Counseling is a short-term, structured approach designed specifically for couples where one partner is leaning toward ending the relationship and the other wants to save it. This is often referred to as a “mixed-agenda” couple. Unlike standard couples therapy, which assumes both people are ready to work on the relationship, discernment counseling helps both partners gain clarity about what they want—and whether they are both willing to commit to couples therapy or move toward separation with intention and respect.

Goals of Discernment Counseling

  • Help each partner understand what happened to the marriage

  • Explore each person’s contributions to the challenges

  • Clarify each individual’s intentions about the future of the relationship

  • Support more informed, confident decisions about staying together or separating

This process is not about solving marital problems, but about deciding whether those problems can and should be worked on—together.

What to Expect

Discernment counseling typically involves 1–5 sessions. Each session is 1.5 to 2 hours long and includes both joint conversations and one-on-one time with each partner. The therapist remains neutral, helping both people explore their perspectives without pressure or judgment.

By the end of the process, couples generally arrive at one of three paths:

  1. Stay the course (no changes, at least for now)

  2. Move toward separation or divorce

  3. Commit to a full course of couples therapy for 6 months, with no discussions of divorce during that time

Who It’s For

Discernment Counseling is for couples considering separation or divorce where there is uncertainty and ambivalence. It is not suitable when:

  • One partner has already made a firm decision to divorce

  • There is an ongoing affair that hasn’t ended

  • There is fear of physical harm or coercion in the relationship

If you and your partner are at a crossroads, Discernment Counseling offers a respectful, guided space to explore your options. Clarity and compassion can lead to a better path forward—whichever direction you choose.

Reach out today to schedule a consultation or learn more about how this process can support you during a time of major life transition.